What the Actual Fuck is This Rice

Once upon a time, in the heart of the Andes Mountains in South America, a small, golden fruit grew in abundance. This fruit, the tomato, had humble beginnings as a wild plant known as Solanum pimpinellifolium. Indigenous people of the Andes, such as the Incas, cultivated and cherished these tiny, wild tomatoes, savoring their unique and vibrant flavors.

As time passed, the tomato began its journey beyond the Andes. Spanish explorers like Christopher Columbus discovered the New World, and with it, the tomatoes. In the late 15th century, the tomato made its debut in Europe. However, it was initially greeted with suspicion and fear, as some believed it to be poisonous due to its relation to nightshade plants.

Nonetheless, the tomato’s allure was undeniable, and it began to find its way into the gardens of European aristocrats. Over the centuries, it underwent various transformations, evolving from its small, wild form into the plump, juicy fruits we know today. Italians embraced the tomato with particular enthusiasm, incorporating it into their cuisine, and it became a staple in dishes like pasta and pizza.

The tomato’s journey didn’t stop in Europe. In the 16th century, Spanish conquistadors returned to the Americas, bringing tomatoes back with them. The tomato quickly spread to North America and other parts of the world. It found a new home in the United States, where it became a key ingredient in classic American dishes like ketchup, tomato soup, and various sauces.

Throughout this journey, the tomato’s health benefits became increasingly recognized. Scientists discovered that tomatoes were a rich source of essential nutrients, including vitamins C and K, potassium, and folate. However, what truly set tomatoes apart was their high concentration of lycopene, a powerful antioxidant responsible for their vibrant red color.

Studies began to reveal that lycopene had significant health benefits. It was found to reduce the risk of chronic diseases, including heart disease and certain types of cancer. Tomatoes became synonymous with heart health, as they were shown to lower blood pressure and cholesterol levels.

As time passed, tomatoes found their way into countless cuisines around the world. From salsa in Mexico to curry in India, the tomato’s versatility made it a beloved ingredient in dishes from every corner of the globe. Chefs and home cooks alike celebrated the tomato for its ability to add depth and flavor to their creations.

In the modern era, the tomato’s journey of flavor and health continues. Tomato farms stretch across the continents, providing a steady supply of fresh, juicy tomatoes year-round. Tomato-based products like tomato paste, sauces, and canned tomatoes fill grocery store shelves, making it easier than ever to incorporate this nutritious fruit into our diets.

Today, the tomato stands as a symbol of the world’s interconnectedness. Its journey from the Andes to tables worldwide represents the power of food to transcend cultural boundaries and bring people together. And as we savor the rich, complex flavors of tomatoes in our meals, we also benefit from the wealth of nutrients they offer, reminding us that nature’s bounty can be both delicious and healthful. The tomato, once a humble wild plant, has truly become a global treasure, enriching our lives in more ways than one.

This brings us to today’s harsh financial hardship receipe, What the Actual Fuck is This Rice, has a nice red tinge, a bit of beef, and yet somehow tastes like absolutely nothing.

What the Actual Fuck is This Rice, a unique and flavorful dish that combines the ingredients you’ve mentioned for a surprising and delicious meal.

Ingredients:

• 250g (approximately 1 1/4 cups) white rice
• 1/2 beef burger patty (cooked and crumbled)
• 2 tablespoons tomato purée
• Whatever is left of the garlic that is growing in the fridge, cut however you feel
• Salt and pepper to taste
• 1 tablespoon cooking oil (for sautéing) or just do it dry, fuck if I care

Instructions:

Prepare the Rice:

• Rinse the white rice thoroughly under cold running water until the water runs clear. This helps remove excess starch.
• In a medium-sized saucepan, combine the rinsed rice and 1 1/2 cups of water. Bring it to a boil over high heat.
• Once it’s boiling, reduce the heat to low, cover the saucepan with a lid, and let it simmer for about 15-20 minutes, or until the rice is tender and the water is absorbed.
• Remove the saucepan from heat and let it sit, covered, for an additional 5 minutes to allow the rice to steam and fluff up.

Cook the Beef Patty:

• While the rice is cooking, heat a skillet over medium-high heat and add a touch of cooking oil.
• Crumble the cooked beef patty into the skillet and cook it for a few minutes until it’s browned and heated through. You can season it with a pinch of salt and pepper for added flavor.
• Once done, set the cooked beef aside.

Prepare the Tomato Sauce:

• In a separate small saucepan, add the minced garlic and a bit of cooking oil. Sauté the garlic over medium heat until it becomes fragrant, but be careful not to brown or burn it.
• Stir in the tomato purée and cook for about 2-3 minutes, allowing the flavors to meld together.
• Season with salt and pepper to taste.

Combine the Ingredients:

• In a large mixing bowl, combine the cooked rice, crumbled beef patty, and tomato sauce. Gently mix them together until everything is evenly distributed. Taste and adjust the seasoning with more salt and pepper if needed.

Serve:

• Your What the Actual Fuck is This Rice is ready to be served! Scoop it onto plates or into bowls and garnish with a sprinkle of fresh herbs like parsley or cilantro for a burst of color and added flavor (you’re too poor to be having herbs lying around, don’t lie to yourself or Jésus).

This unique fusion dish is a delightful combination of flavors, where the tomato sauce adds a tangy kick to the rice and beef. Enjoy your one-of-a-kind creation!